Inside Asperger’s, Part 3

Patterns, patterns everywhere. I can see patterns immediately. I can quickly learn anything that matches a previous pattern I already know. And these are very complex patterns I see everywhere, in everything. New patterns excite me.

I want to tell you everything I saw and thought that interests me. Now. When you’re in the middle of telling me something. Before I forget. And I will forget unless I tell you now. But then, I’ll never forget. No, I never forget. My long-term memory is incredible. I remember things I last studied or thought about when I was a child. My children are now into dinosaurs, and I remember those dinosaurs’ names, though I had not thought about dinosaurs since I was nine or ten. Daniel is now into sharks, and I remember all the sharks I knew about when I was young.

And yet, I forget everything. My short-term memory is terrible. I can forget something I was told within moments. But I will remember it, at some random time, days later. It will end up in my long-term memory, but barely register in my short-term memory. Also, my working memory is quite large as well. I can hold a dozen or more variables in my mind all at once, manipulating them to see the relations among them.

I love showers. I can think in them, with the white noise. When the falling sparkling water doesn’t fascinate me.

Nature walks give me the silence and visual complexity without overwhelming me into fascination I need. I used to take them all the time growing up. When I go to a park I want to disappear into the trees where I’ll be comfortable and relaxed.

The world is exhausting. Especially the social world. Bureaucracy is the greatest evil ever created. It is the social world gone rabid. I just want to work. To work and be left alone. The world won’t let me be, won’t let me be who I am. I’m exhausted. So very exhausted.


3 thoughts on “Inside Asperger’s, Part 3

  1. If autistic people missed part of a brain update around age 2, it would make a lot of sense to have a really good long-term memory but not so good short-term memory. Isn’t one of the main functions of a 2-year-old’s memory to learn as much new information for use for the rest of his life? At that stage in life, I would imagine long term memory would be a much better investment than short-term memory.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: An Intense World

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