“Why didn’t you do X?”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses.”
“Well, you asked the question.”
“Don’t be rude!”
To an autistic person, the first question is a direct question, to be taken literally and to be answered literally. The answer isn’t an excuse; it is an explanation. So when you get mad at the answer, the autistic person doesn’t understand why you’re mad and will respond that you’re the one who asked the damn question in the first place, so why the hell are you mad about the answer? And that observation is not at all meant to be rude. It’s an observation.
Something I have never understood (and I’m writing this on this blog because of the very distinct possibility that my inability to understand it is a consequence of my autism) is why people cannot tell the difference between an excuse and an explanation. More, I don’t understand why people get mad at your answer when I am pretty sure they know what your answer will be. Why even ask the question. To me, asking the question makes you the rude asshole. Just get to the point. Say what you want to say and stop playing games designed to justify your yelling at me.
Many of the things we on the spectrum say sound rude to those who are not on the spectrum, but the same is true for us: neurotypical people sound rude all the time to us, when what you’re saying is clearly understood by everyone.