This past week I have had trainings for my work. I have been hired as a paraprofessional in a middle school behavioral unit in Plano ISD, and that means I had to go through four days of training. I have been utterly exhausted for four days.
I have had to be in a room with about 30 strangers for four days. On day one, I’m not sure I could have stimmed more or faster. My legs shook and I was fiddling around with my pen. I stimmed less each day, but I didn’t seem to get any less exhausted. I fortunately didn’t have training today, so I was able to sleep in (not to mention going to be a little early)—I got 10 hours of sleep (I usually wake up naturally right before I get 8 unless I’m that exhausted).
My wife noted that I seem to get exhausted that way if I have a day full of meetings. I also get this way the first week or two of a new job. One can only imagine what impression that makes. After that first week or so, though, my brain adjusts to the new situation, and I am back to my old normal self and degree of energy.
Given that this is what a new situation does to me, one can also perhaps imagine why I may not want to participate in these kinds of meetings or trainings, why I may not want to start a new job or switch jobs, or why I may want to avoid situations in where there will be a large number of people I don’t know and with whom I have to interact. I can only imagine what I must look like to others.
Coincidentally, having this level of self-awareness only makes things worse in these situations, because it only makes me more anxious, which only makes me stim more and harder. It’s a positive feedback nightmare. And when your brain is running at full blast for hours on end, it’s exhausting.